My List.

I wanted to write about a blog my good friend Rachel introduced me to the other night… Runs For Cookies. The blogger and I have a ton in common, most importantly being that we have lost about the same amount of weight and started our journey at the same time.. back in August 2009. Rachel had told me about one of her blog entries that I had to read, titled “100-lb difference”, and I read it this morning after my morning workout on the way to work. Let’s just say I was crying all the way down 5th Avenue. I don’t know many people who have lost the amount of weight I have, and while I absolutely love being a source of inspiration and motivation to those struggling, I often try to hide some of my feelings that I have about living most of my life overweight. SO MANY of these points that this blogger made hit home for me, and many of them I have never told anyone because I thought I had no one to relate to. Blogging and telling people my story, or just being open about my past and not ashamed has helped mold me into the person I am today; which is just a healthier version of myself! I in no way look down to those who are overweight and struggling. I want to give them a huge hug and tell them that while they are beautiful no matter what, they are damaging their bodies that does so much for them. The human body is an amazing thing. It is able to carry around 100 pounds of excess body fat, but it’s a form of abuse that has consequences. Unfortunately it is really hard to look at our bodies in a healthy way and think of food in a fueling way because most of us who have been overweight or are overweight are there for a reason fueled by emotions. I truly believe that you won’t lose the weight until you are ready and committed. I had only tried 2 times in my life to lose weight before I finally succeeded. That’s not me bragging though. I never tried because I was never ready, and I absolutely NEVER believed in myself enough to do it. The advice on how to get there is non-existent in a way; no matter what anyone told me, no matter what I read, nothing really clicked until I was ready. No light bulb really went off for me, I just knew that I was able to make teeny tiny changes and be okay with it. I was literally afraid that I couldn’t survive without McDonald’s 2-3 times a day, and chinese food almost every day. Looking back, that fear stemmed from emotional problems that hid behind food. It hid behind self doubt and self consciousness of a degree higher than I can explain.

While I loved reading this blogger’s points, I also wanted to say that in no way do I think she meant to make those who are overweight feel bad about not being skinny, and that being skinny is so much better. I can see how some of the points could possibly come off that way, but I know coming from myself I wouldn’t mean them that way. Being healthier and thinner is absolutely amazing, but it is not a perfect world. I definitely obsess over what I eat (but have gotten SO MUCH BETTER!) and freak out a little if I miss a workout (also getting so much better), and I struggled for months with doing whatever it took to get thinner and thinner. Maintaining weight loss and finding a balance after losing weight is honestly harder than the weight loss itself. I believe I will spend the rest of my life struggling with that balance, but I am here to promise you that it’s worth it. Inspired by Run For Cookies blog post, I have decided to create a (smaller) list of things I enjoy and have learned in my experience. I hope you enjoy and can relate whether you have lost weight or not! 🙂

Finally being able to run and enjoy it

Being able to fit into single digit sizes of clothing and smalls

Finding my self worth and learning to love my imperfections

Eating pizza and frozen yogurt every weekend but loving broccoli and protein shakes just as much.

When people look at me on the streets, I no longer assume they are staring at parts of me that are fat; I assume it’s because my outfit is awesome! ha 🙂

3 mile runs are considered short runs in my life. Enough said.

I know what a foam roller is, what mountain climbers, squat jacks and planks are. And I do them. AWESOMELY! 😉

I wake up at 5:00 AM most days of the week to ensure I get my work out in. Including weekends! If I sleep through them, I work out at night unless it’s my rest day.

I crave salads, oatmeal, vegetables, and chicken more than I crave the junkier foods I still love.

When I travel, I find ways to make sure I get a workout in. Running sneakers are always with me! I also pack some of my own food to bring along.. protein powder, energy bars, chia seeds, etc. I love being prepared!

I absolutely love spin class. Nothing is better than being in a class full of people sweating, screaming and having an awesome, fat-burning time. I would choose spin class over going out ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

I am almost always cold. My first winter (2010) being thin actually hurt. I was so cold all the time and it felt so different!

Not feeling intimated or ashamed at the gym. I would walk into the gym shaking when I was overweight because I was so afraid of being stared at. The times I get stared at now are because of my insane running sneakers (leopard print), or because I am sprinting my ass off on the treadmill and I have been told “GREAT JOB!”

Being hit on by most guys I see… again, not bragging because it’s really annoying most of the time! I hate being looked at like a piece of meat. So gross. But it’s better than being made fun of.

Not limiting myself in clothing. I can pretty much wear whatever  I want without feeling self conscious. I wore a bikini the last 2 summers and although I have extra skin on my stomach that I wish I could get removed, the rest of my body is more toned than I ever thought I’d see!

Family members telling me I don’t need to get any thinner. My grandma would say this to me every time she saw me and feed me her high calorie meals and demand I ate them! I thought it was adorable.

Friends that haven’t seen me in awhile seeing me and being genuinely so happy and proud of me… I have the greatest support system from SO MANY people that it makes me want to cry. They have been there from the start of my journey and continue to be there now. I LOVE YOU!

That’s just a small list of the things that I have noticed changing since my weight loss. I could go on to about 500 more points, but getting healthier and taking care of myself has been the best decision of my entire life.

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